I have been working at Keller Elementary School for a while, and children ranging from Kindergarten through fifth grade are in the after-school program. The children are split into groups based on grade level, and there are one to two employees who are in charge of each group. Every employee used to have a different grade level each day; but lately, every employee has been having the same group every time.
When I first started working at the school, I was paired with an employee who has been working there all year, and she was in charge of the Kindergarten and first grade group. Kindergartners and first graders were in the same group because there are not a lot of children in both levels, and they are the youngest children in the program. I was excited to assist with this group because I enjoy working with younger children, and they still want to learn when they are at this age. I got along well with the younger children, and they worked well with me.
About a month later, the site director assigned each employee to their own group, and I was in charge of the third graders. Throughout the previous month, the children had been acting up and behaving terribly towards the employees and other children. The children had been treating all of the employees with disrespect and refused to listen to directions. Additionally, the children had been talking back to all of the staff members and had been acting aggressively towards us. The site director had a long talk with all of the children about respect and how they had been extremely disrespectful to all of the employees. Since the children had continued to be disrespectful and refused to listen to the staff members after having a talk about respect, the site director thought it would be a good idea if each employee would have the same group of children everyday.
I was not aware that I would not be assisting with the Kindergarten and first grade group anymore because the site director did not inform me that each employee would have the same group of children for academic time from now on. The site director assigned me to be in charge of the third graders that day, and I said that I was okay with this because I thought that the next day I would be with the younger children again. I was wrong and found out that I would be with the third grade group until the rest of the school year. I was fine with this new arrangement at first, but there are a few difficult children in my group who absolutely refuse to listen to me and treat me with a lot of disrespect. I have been strict and firm with these children that they need to be on-task during academic time, as well as the fact that they must listen to me when I tell them that it is time to clean up and get ready for recess. There are two children in particular who refuse to listen to me and instead do what they want. I have had to ask an experienced teacher who works at the school for assistance with these two children because I cannot get them to listen to me no matter how hard I try. I have changed my tone of voice from nice and understanding to strict and firm, along with raising my voice in an attempt to gain the children’s respect. They still refused to listen to me, so I talked to the site director about it, and he said that he was going to talk to the children’s parents about their behavior. I have not found my teacher voice yet, but I feel that all of the children should still listen to me when I speak to them in a strict tone of voice, especially when I raise my voice at them. I have never yelled at any of the children, and I try my best to maintain a positive attitude, but it is challenging when they refuse to listen and follow directions.
I hope that the children will behavior better this week, and that they will respect me more. I want to talk to the site director about switching to the Kindergarten and first grade group, but I am thinking that if the employee who has the group of younger children switches with me and is in charge of third grade, that the children will start acting up again. I really want to be in charge of the Kindergarten and first grade group because I want to teach either Kindergarten, first grade, or second grade if I become a teacher, and the younger children in this group listen to me and respect me. I feel that I get along much better with this group than I do with my third grade group. For the most part, a majority of the third graders listen to directions and respect me, but I would much rather be with the younger children. I am going to see how this Tuesday goes with the third graders before I talk to the site director about switching groups.
Mya LaFreniere
I appreciate the challenging circumstances you describe Mya. Doubtless the experience was difficult.
However, consider the possibility that the issue is not necessarily about respect.
It is true that children need to learn and understand relationships with the adults who care for them.
It is also true that as adults in charge of children we need to sometimes direct their behavior. This is particularly true when the issue is safety.
When children do not comply with our directions, such behavior could be the result an intentional act designed to challenge your authority. Such a situation could well be interpreted as a lack of respect.
There is another possibility though.
What if the child’s actions are based on their previous experience with adults? What if children have a hard time trusting adults because a range of adult in their life have “let them down.” Perhaps even more significantly, some children may experience direct trauma.
In either case, the child’s behavior towards you is likely the result of these prior experiences. The behavior you describe could be considered “defensive.” That is, by acting out, a child controls the relationship. They avoid counting on adults who might not meet their needs.
If that were true, the child’s actions are not meant to disrespect you but to protect themselves.
Trauma informed care practices can “unwind” such relationships by avoiding blaming the child and instead helping them to build positive relationships and develop “self-care” strategies to help them cope with challenges. See for example https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/trauma-informed-teaching-strategies
This is difficult but keep thinking about the possibilities.
Peace,
Dr. R